Being Human

We all deal with things differently, I never ever used to cry.

I would fight with all my might almost to the point that I would shake to avoid what I thought was weakness.

That was a much younger mindset as a teen and in my early to mid twenties I just would not give myself permission to shed tears.

Over the years I’ve learnt not to resist how my body and mind are requesting I deal with what I had just experienced.

Years in Trauma theatres and deployments to sandy places required a new way.

I hadn’t cultivated a mature way to cope with the extremes of humanity I observed.

It took for me to get personal with my emotions, to literally begin naming them and recognising the bodily feelings that accompanied them.

Writing played an enormous part, as the depths to which I was feeling would pour out of the pen in ink, to my surprise!!

Healing and then going on to helping others …

It for me is about having a relationship with all parts of myself.

No emotion is any less valuable than another. They all play parts in our very human experince.

Sometimes its tears that need to fall.

Sometimes it’s just how we all move past what came before.

Amanda x

Micro Magic Habbit Change

Micro Magic..

Change in minutes … lots and lots of minutes …

If I spend 2 minutes a day working out at max chat for a month … I will have 60 minutes of hard gruelling consistent work in my back pocket.

But more importantly I will have a habit I performed every day without fail. One I can absorb enjoy and grow from. One that wont cause me to burn out act in an extreme way or over reward.

2mins a day.

It doesnt sound like much

It doesnt sound like enough

It doesnt sound sexy

And it doesnt sound like magic..

Well the magic is in the micro…

We all got taught being productive, producing lots equals worth and value …

That our worth goes up if we produce …

Its BS you are worthy and valuable no matter what.

The trappings of thinking that way, we hurt ourselves when we fail to make something, make something of ourselves.

So some people do a churn a big load of work and then the energy and output gone .. they disappear…

The tempo is lost

The genius disappears

And they wait …
Wait for the stroke of energy, enthusiasm or genius to strike …

Never reaching the oh so elusive goal..

That’s not the sad bit …
It is the relationship they build with themselves everytime it doesn’t work out.

As the inner coach / critic beats the living shit out of them with a verbal baseball bat. daily every food choice, life choice and interaction with other humans …

Self esteem and confidence bombing and decision making becoming something to be palmed off

Eg “what do you want for dinner “?

“I dont mind what would you like” …
The maybe mind is at play …

That’s when making decisions is never clear, because to commit could equal a painful encounter with your inner critic after things go south.

In comes micro magic ..

That’s where you can shut up that coach or critic …

With a micro change … minutes add up and so does change …

One meal, one tiny work out one act of gratitude daily

It adds up …

You don’t have to work hard …

You do have to work smart

consistent, concious kindness
Repeated daily just a few minutes
A day.

If you never got where you where going before …

Why not try a different path..

Find the magic …

Your body and mind will listen if you learn how to play for a couple of minutes each day.

How To Get A Job Street Kid Style …

How to get a job street kid style..

Basic Breakthrough Turbo Skills

Do you have somewhere you really really want to work somewhere you want to connect with to be associated with?

The First Job I ever had pretty much saved my life. I’m not joking when I say that. I had one GCSE I had just gone into foster care and my options where seriously narrow.

Part of my college course involved work experience and I had wangled my way into the sports development offices for Kensington and Chelsea..

They had an office in a building with a wonderful charity the Canalside Activity Trust.

Everyday I would watch the lads taking children out on the water or spend the day trampolining.

I was at a desk doing zip to do with sport chasing options for the London Youth Games, licking envelopes. Actual soul destroying mind numbing awfulness.

One day I walked across the corridor with cup of tea for the manager

Errr hi I’m Amanda.


How do I get to do what they do?

I was pretty ballsy and just asked.

Its simple volunteer see if you like it

Give us some hours and we’ll pay for your training!

Ding ding ding……

Within six months I was qualified and had a solid offer of a job.

This is how much I needed help the assistant manager walked me down to the local bank so I could open an account.

I didn’t have one! And to be paid I needed one.

Over the time I was there I would get qualifications, take inner city children on experience holidays to the coast, kayak big whitewater.

Be supported all the way through every GCSE I needed. Be given the responsibility of managing 100’s of children on the water.

I would get sponsored and end up competing in my kayak most weekends. Money and equipment was actually being given to me. I would work with the charity on and off for 5 years.

It gave me access to the outdoors and more importantly my own income and that gave me freedom.

It was a family and the stability I had craved so much, more than just a job.

Canalside really did go miles to build a place where so many of us learnt to feel so much more than where we had come from.

We worked damn hard it never ever felt like that.

I was willing to take a risk and give up a bit of my time. I was rewarded in ways that transformed my life, options and possibilities.

So how to ask the question?

If you have to get through gate guardians and I’ve pulled this off for landing a few invisible jobs when the stakes where high.

I needed to talk directly to the person that really could make a decision and change my life.

This was how I approached it.

Track Them Down !!!

Who is it I need to ask, how can I do something for you?

In the above case it was easy I knew exactly who to approach and I also knew they drank tea in bucket loads.

In other cases I’ve taken to the internet and trawled, until I had a name and phone number as well as all the details about the organisation. This could take a few days.

I start by sending a hand written letter

And somethings pertinent they might need.

Tea has never let me down !

I also say I’m going to call the following week at a specific time and it would be great if they could let me know if that’s inconvenient.

I ring when I said I would and inform the gate guardian that it’s pre organised.

Turbo cocky it always works.

At this point I normally end up talking with exactly the person I need to.

Instead of bombarding them with the super show that is Me … Fake it till you make it right!

I say would it be ok if I send you a letter about me and why I would love to do something anything for you and your organisation.

At this point because I did my research so would drop my specific reasons for loving said company or org.





Then I send in the good stuff

A parcel with a book, something I think is amazing want to go extra level tag a couple of chapters and express why you think they are useful.

And I pop a hand written letter about me in. I would ask can I be considered for a position any position even if I have to work for free.

And I call back make sure they got my parcel.

You can use this very same approach for networking or getting to talk to someone who seems so distant and unreachable.

Because of all of the above I have managed to have a direct conversation with my absolute sporting idle. And this woman is not someone you can easily get a chat with.

I have always got exactly where I planned to be. It took work.

It rewarded me in ways I still can’t believe.

I spent two months at the heart of the London Olympic Games. I sent a letter myself instead of waiting for no one to nominate me.

I was seriously rewarded with the crown jewel of positions and access to track side action that would have cost thousands. More importantly I was part of the biggest show on the planet working along side the producers and teams involved in the medals ceremonies.

So when you might think I can’t or the stakes seem high.

Just think what’s possible if you try.


Mood 🔥🔥🔥

I’ve been thinking ‘ruminating’ on this for a bit.

I spent an outrageous amount of my life trying to fit in places I absolutely didn’t.

A need for acceptance buried inside of needing to feel safe. If I was a good little rule follower I would be useful that way I was kept around.

Except that was never ever me, too curious too inquisitive, always on the hunt for better ways to experience life.

That literally pours out of me on a daily basis.

I see every interaction with another person as a gift.

They can’t always be good ones, always lessons to be gained though!

And if I’m lucky enough I will always always learn something about the amazing humans

that grace my world even for a second.

It’s why I have read a ton of books since the year began on healing, higher states, breath work, hypnotherapy and human behaviour sciences.

I care so much about what I do, I put in hundreds of hours behind the scenes.

Some might say I’m obsessed some might say I’m boring.

I’ll say I care and my kind of caring means making a massive dent in depression, PTSD, anxiety physical and emotional trauma.

How I do that, I get you to see your experience differently even for one second..

Any damn way those experiences made a way into your world or someone’s world you care about I’m all about bringing in different.

And different is what is needed ..

With out the renegades, without the rule breakers without the movers and shakers

What remains is a broken system that isn’t changing lifes worse still it’s not saving them.

Seriously I’m yet to meet anyone on anti depressants that said yeah total Epiphany felt the best in my life these have changed my life for good.

No judgement if that’s the path you find yourself on. I’m just wondering when the medical model is going to recognise the human on the other side of those tablets.

That’s why I read until my eyes hurt.

My pursuit of not following rules has led me to approach how I really believe life changing impactful work should look.

The absolutely inspiring and jaw droopingly amazing bit others take up the mantle and start to put their own brand of life for filling purposeful work out in the world too.

Teens making such vast turn arounds they start seeing how being educated can put them in a place where they can make a difference.

Individuals creating vlogs, sharing inspiring connection. Humour being poured out into the world. Women seeing their own way to create and drive powerful difference to the core of female problems.

And the super supers the people in the world who go way beyond and are trying to protect millions of people. With dedication and purpose literally working around the clock to help our country navigate some turbulent times ahead.

I am so so lucky I have been able to meet talk to learn and grow with these pros each breaking ground for others.

Every now and then I do have a wobble, how can I keep pushing on? What I do looks like nothing else out there, it’s not mainstream and sits so far away from what someone would recognise as therapy or help.

I like that about it, I didn’t want therapy or help I wanted and needed a buddy a someone who said I got your six now let’s get this fucking done. Here is something different I’ll show you and see just what you can do.

And Do I Did.

So the wobble comes and then I remember why I can handle the discomfort of pushing to the edges of being different.

I care and I want to see a better world.

I love to hear a story a life story gore and all

Why because I hear about the person in front of me and just for a second someone sees you.

There is nothing worse than becoming invisible as a human.

Transparent, lifeless and a whisp of what you once where. The faded … I see them and then I see the struggle to be seen as whole.

We all need recognition love and someone to believe in us. Someone who is so damn confident you can change there is no where else to look. What you will find on the inside is belief.

Life can and will be different.

My fave chats always include the craziest idea the one you had that you said no way.

I flipping love those I went to Uni with the amazing guy that designed the collapsible bottle!!! #vision

I dive so deep in the crazy, I’ll take a swim in the gaga nutjob ideas; because without fail there is gold in those.

Enough crazy always brings out creative GOLD.

I was gifted my inner strength my ability to love life to be one gritty, resilient smiling force of nature.

Confidence … I’m where chuck Norris comes to get his 💥

And just when I am unsure about not taking the leap, not contributing, not aiming for change

I remember I was given a phenomenal heart and courage to look at what I’m afraid of.

To look and say ahhhh it’s not so bad

I can go forwards and if you’re willing I’ll take you with me


Breaking Through PTSD

My job is to educate, its to get you to understand what PTSD looks like. I need to talk about the symptoms and the way they journey into the mind.

PTSD is an experience of the mind.

Lots of people hear the word triggers

and believe this is where the problem lies.

A trigger is the thing they believe started the feeling or experience they are having.

That has not been my experience at Breakthrough. FAR FROM IT.

The trigger for me is the flag even the answer!!

To the WHY is this happening.

Looking at things differently, outside of the medical model has brought people back from the brink time and time again.

What I do is different, it’s working. It’s so far from what people know and recognise as therapy.

I’m damn proud of what I’m creating and achieving so others may live. My own brand of magic. And I will call it that happily.

We all need optimism and hope in our lives.

I was given a beautiful way of describing what I do today “you grow people”.

Where as the medical model puts a tablet in someone’s hand and says feel better.

I because I am not a doctor or trained in traditional methods of the mind or human behaviour can not do that.

A astronomical blessing!

What that’s meant, I have had to look at it all differently and use my unrelenting curiosity and resourcefulness to find a way to bring about change.

Life affirming change.

No two individuals are the same and there fore each individual has to be treated as such.

That’s where I get the edge on mass treatment.

The current state of affairs in the UK is

the traditional approaches are not working… levels of suicide, depression and socially life limiting behaviours are on the rise in younger and younger populations.

I have a big ass problem with this. Like Mission specific game face time. Get shit done Mand!!!

Enough ….we need better and we needed it yesterday.

It’s not good enough that creative and alternative solutions are not readily available for people to get help when it looks impossible or they have become stuck.

Possibly feeling that the future they want isn’t out there for them.

So what I have to really talk about and discuss are our senses in their interity.

How a person makes sense ‘literally’ of the experience they are having. Their world.

From my standpoint and from years of working with humans it is understanding how to read entire person, every single detail.

Remember not a Doc or Psychotherapist

I gotta come at it from a different approach.

If you can look at someone with a soft focus only hear what they say, understand the deep language and body language.

Assisting humans with change is hugely simplified.

Certainly with high stress inducing experiences. PTSD, chronic fatigue anxiety and depression.

Having a better understanding of the layers of the sensory system.

I’m able to prise apart just where that traumatic or early difficult experiences is hidden with in the nervous system.

The thing thats dominating and destroying their world.

Often in my experience you don’t have to invite anywhere near the whole experience to bring it forward into the conscious awareness.

And so often it is right under the surface permeating every part of this persons life.

One word, sentence or thought is enough to flash a whole cascade of memories feelings or experiences .

Any number of online campaigns will bring decades of anguish to the surface for so many, and the above is why.

The ‘flag’ it’s so so present in people‘s lives. Just holding under the surface.

Clients tell me in any number of ways. Luckily for them. I speak the language of the body.

Every time someone speaks about their experience. When they say it felt like this I know I now need to scout particular experiences within the experience of feeling.

If they say ‘I heard’ this that is them talking about ‘the hearing of the experience’

I have to work within the heard experience. They then they might go on to express I just got a feeling.

Or it’s a visual flashback in that and they saw particular look on someone else’s face it confirmed their internal experience.

“I saw the look and my stomach sank”

I’ve seen flashbacks show up in our smelling abilities. That will drive a person to destruction. A repeated experience of a smell day after day for months. And whoosh immediately their mind is in those moments. Real ground hog day stuff.

The great news is as soon as I track the sucker down and see how it’s holding it’s possible with in minutes to change the situation. It really is about understanding what is really happening.

The metaphors that people use to speak with me tell me a great deal. They will use particular words because that’s how we contain or experience in our minds. A picture paints a thousand words right!

I have to think about the human in his or her simplest form everything we do is ultimately about protection.

Recognising they are for them in a state of perfection even though it may not feel that way.

I’m honouring the incredible intelligence we embody.

No one is smarter than the human brain and working along side it, instead of against it always gets me some serious headway when it comes to change.

Understanding how we make sense of the world, understanding our senses brings us vast information.

We always know whats wrong. I’m yet to meet a client that didn’t drop the most enormous bread crumb.

So PTSD can be hidden in amongst the senses and the senses are more complex and fascinating that most people appreciate.

We know we can sense sounds, taste, see, touch and smell. Those groups can be broken down into sub categories!!!!

Imagine someone who experienced the shockwave from a earthquake at distance. Things will have been experienced by them even unconsciously.

It might be that the essence of their PTSD is wrapped within the vibrational sensory system so every time they experience a particular resonance in sound they flashback, and can’t work out why.

Because it wasn’t clear when the imprint took place.

So listening to what they describe takes a refined ear.

I had a client once who had severe PTSD it was dominating their life.

It was in everything thoughts, feelings ways of making decisions. And life was becoming a shadow of the one the once lived.

Making the invisible visible is a big part of my work.

We even have sensory receptors in the body that understand stretch, how far away one joint is from the other in particular positions…

The trigger the flag, the look at me….

It was immersed in the active bending of their knees…

I mean just imagine that every time you move a certain way a feeling would wash over you…

The nervous system monitors range of movement this, so you don’t injure your self. Movement = life.

Now this person would experience not feeling safe, feeling very vulnerable every time they went to a certain movement.

It was only when we got to the point of listening to what they were saying and that the focus became “I was on my knees” it was to do with the angle and pressure every time they entered that space physically the same thing would happen to their mind.

There were a couple of things going on.

They haven’t had the opportunity to complete and end the experience in a suitable way for them. That causes vast inner conflict.

If you are a person that expects to flight ‘run’ and you freeze. That leaves a mark that often needs addressing. It is internal conflict and lots of questions come from something like that.

The other part is energy I mean literally.

With a body tight and coiled expecting to explode to escape and it doesn’t …

That also leaves a shed ton of energy stuck within a nervous system pathway.

In this case it would have been a lot

It was held in a particular position.

So every time the brain gave the option to feel the experience. In essence it was saying finish this we are containing all this energy from this day and it’s exhausting.

The brain looked for completion of the energetic cycle.

Animals will do this instinctively. Ever seen a hare freeze on a road then bolt and eventually just stop. Even though it’s not being pursued. It’s dispersing the energy from the expected reaction.

That looks like escape … When ever a human needs to move to a position of safety this is a player.

Except in this example they couldn’t because they froze. This was the reality, and the conflict.

So every time they felt a certain position in their posture that matched that day they experienced a feeling of fear and freezing.

It felt like it was coming from no where. Except it was the bodies way of demanding they finish of the experience, Release the energy and learn from what had taken place.

We did do that between us we created a subconscious experience of running until they felt they didn’t need to run or evade any more. That what had transpired was so so far in the distance it could no longer be in or around them.

They never experienced those sensations again. The PTSD lifted and their entire outlook about life and choices altered.

The biggest take away I can leave you with is if what you are doing isn’t working maybe you need a different approach.

If you have been talking to or paying and seeing someone for years and your life isn’t improving looking or feeling different is that really good enough?

You might have just come to a point where you just don’t want anti depressants don’t believe in them and want out of the funk.

You might have something you think is so random or uncomfortable to even discuss.

I’ve heard some of the most incredible ways a person is coping with living.

It really really can change

Get in contact reach out if you have questions or want to know more.

Change happens fast at Breakthrough


Because no one ever told me other wise

Amanda x

How I Came Back To Life..My Mental Health Story

img_8465I had woken up out of a torturous dream, covered in sweat. The fear rising in my chest building after what I had experienced.
This one was worse a new kind of hellish, children this time. Why was this happening? I wracked my brains. Blast victims everywhere hopeless, helpless no one alive, I have to tidy it up.
I was stood next to my bed trying to work out what next. ‘I’m awake I’m awake’ its not real, it had felt so real. I spent the next two days confirming it wasn’t real. My whole body carrying the tension of a medic on high alert.
Telling myself over and over it couldn’t be real. Looking for any clue in the dream to distinguish it from reality. Finally I settled on the sink being in the wrong place.
That evening I felt the fear closing in again. I begged my mind not to take me back. My stomach in knots so tight I couldn’t eat. The thought of sleeping now seeped in dread and terror. I prayed it would not repeat…
I didn’t think I had PTSD. I knew I was a shadow of myself. I put it down to fatigue of being a parent. Sleepless nights and running around after energy abundant small children. Everyone has dreams like that if they’ve been to places like that right?
It wasn’t until I found myself participating in a training course. I realised I was not only living with PTSD. I was in a full blown fight with myself and I wasn’t winning. I was hardly surviving.
I never thought I would be free of the dreams, nightmares and flashbacks. They plagued my mind when ever I became stressed. The faces, I would see from my time in Afghanistan. I had accepted that this was how it was.
When my children started to appear in those dreams I plummeted to a whole new level of fear. Something had to change. I still didn’t recognise it as PTSD. So many others had been through so much more, worse tours, pain, injury. How could I have PTSD?
Not only did I have it. I had it in all its brutality. To add fuel to a well stoked fire I was battling the shame of being a child of someone who had committed suicide. Not someone, my mum.
From the moment I took the phone call my world had been painfully torn apart. I never thought I could get over that.
The darkness that accompanied it all, the pain the triggers more and more of the same but different. The anxiety the fear.
I couldn’t suppress the undeniable power of the subconscious mind. It was pushing forward the very things I had wanted to keep hidden from the world.
It was plain as day, the heightened alertness, the inability to sleep. Avoidance of even my closet friends. Continuous pain present in places in my body.
I could no longer watch the news. Colour disapeared from my life, everything became grey, dull, lifeless. The pushing away of the things I loved to do.
On the inside I was burning caged and dying an internal death everyday. It was easier to not feel.
The self doubt and the withdrawal from wanting to work with people. I had no energy for it. Exhausted inside and out. Caffeine and sugar had become some sort of lifeline. I had hated who I had become I had hated myself. My essence and identity completely invisible I had become hollow empty and filled with an energy I didn’t recognise as my own.
The one piece of myself I had managed to hold onto was the part that took care of and loved my children and my husband. That was the only thing keeping me grounded. Inside I was beating myself up for not being a better parent, mother, wife, practitioner. Shattering myself into a million pieces daily.
My mind was its own prison and my body reflected that. The resilience I had come to rely on in my youth was no where to be seen. The optimism and hopefulness that drove me day after day was lost. I was lost.
My memory was in shreds I was struggling to recall simple day to day tasks. When I could muster emotion instead of the constant emptiness it had to be extreme to raise me out of the soulless heavy numbness I was locked in.
I think in someways this was why I had chased adrenaline fuelled activities. I exercised to the extreme to feel the release of endorphins. It also worked to knock my self unconscious with exhaustion. I would compensate hugely with these out lets. After the birth of my second child I wasn’t in a position to do that.
I stopped all activity apart from taking care of my children.
I didn’t want to speak my fear or face the shame of it all. I was being buried under the feelings. Going numb and not being present came at a cost. I huge one. I was missing out on my beautiful babies life’s.
And then 6 years after returning home, six years of being lost..
I discovered this beautiful, gentle process.
The moment when change fluttered in like a feather on a breeze. This was not therapy. This was none of that. This was action.
This was the last time when I spoke any of those words thought any of those thoughts I would ever feel like that again. I was about to change in a way I could not believe, let alone imagine.
I had experienced one taster session, the effect at that stage was so profound. I knew I needed to train as a practitioner. I moved heaven and earth to get a course full and launched in the UK. I went from being lifeless, to a woman on a life saving mission. I would get a american led course filled and participate in it myself with in three months.
I had no idea that signing up and participating in the training course would alter my life beyond belief. It could only be described as a lightning bolt of intervention. It took something that felt truly unworldly to bring me back to life.
Out of no where a sliver of hope. I was sitting on the precipice. It was now or never. I grabbed my chance with both hands, I knew this was change the rumble was on and I was ready.
I got a sniff of the powerful, intelligent, funny, loving girl I had once been. I wasn’t lost, just misplaced in the very depths of my mind.
I couldn’t have known that when I started locking down all the hurt, pain and vulnerability, all the feelings that terrified me. That I would lock away the parts of myself that loved life, living and laughing. I would lock away the girl that could take on anything and come out smiling.
The minute I began diving into those beautiful transformative sessions. The possibility of a breakthrough was not only real it was calling to me commanding I come back with the force of nature I had always embodied. The powerful, wild, untameable, protective energy I had alway had was demanding to burst from the depths of where it had been locked away.
Session after session I dismantled, crushed and set myself free from the internal binds that had held me so tightly.
All the fear and terror lifted.
Those hypnotherapy sessions where not only a lifeline they where injecting every part of me with nitrious. I was being woken with what felt like lightning bolts. My courage, resilience and joy was thundering back a torrent of energy flowing like nothing I had ever felt.
I can remember opening my eyes after the first session. I was drenched in sweat. My tear stained face now very much on my radar. As I sat up I blinked my eyes in disbelief. My body felt light…I could feel the breeze on my arms coming in through the window and the warmth of the summer sunshine on the air. My senses taking in everything. Some how the thing that had been missing was restored I was awake for the first time in years.
Every part of me unshackled. I grew beyond measure I found I had more to offer myself than I could have ever imagined. I walked through my own personal hell, I kept going. Once I came out the other side. I could feel the magnetic, spirited wild energy I had always had, the wild, care free girl with an unstoppable force and energy. I had been awoken.
By the time I had returned home I knew I had to establish a place. Where others could reach out to and access the keys to regaining their lives back. This had become about so much more than me.
The possibility to heal is real and even is this short year I have seen remarkable things happen for others.
The Breakthrough project was born and is here to stay.
Ever since that day as I felt the tears carving long lines in my face, I have been working with other amazing humans. Its is some what incredible to witness someone opening their eyes for the first time and knowing their world feels different.
Daily I approach the problems that come into the Breakthrough Hub in my own unique way. I will be an advocate for Subconcious hypnotherapy and seeing each humans problem as individual for the rest of my life.
I must continue to be fearless if a way to help thousands humans come back to living life in technicolour is to be found.
The possibility for change is real. If I can do it anyone can.
Never let go of hope.
Hold on pain ends.
Breakthroughs are coming

Flipping Tyres Vs Mental Health

My body has hundred and hundreds of hours of physical training absorbed into it. I was once the sporty one a serious athlete.

Its not the physical machine it once was. It’s taken me a long time to come back round to even being able to put sports kit on.

Those clothes always used to be where I felt at home. The technical fabrics the grippy clothes. But I changed and I couldn’t face to even look at myself in them.

My love for training it never went it just moved to the side. That did give me space and room to continue and develop my love of human movement and functional anatomy and later human behaviour and neurolgy. All that space to fill I learnt about therapeutic hypnotherapy.

I’ve been able to develop my skill base and become the type of pioneer that could challenge and will go on to change the landscape of how we heal from emotional and physical trauma and injuries. Building practices that reconnect beautiful humans back to their glorious minds and bodies, able to access resilience and fortitude form their deepest inner resources.

Not having access to my physical identity meant I had to go on deeper journey to discover and uncover way more about myself and my potential.

What I realise now is that the way I sort to exercise was chasing and elixir a flow state. The runners high, the adrenalin kick.

The feeling of effortless strength and movement. It used to be easy in my body of old to get that.

Now I’ve gotten past looking at myself and feeling deeply ashamed of how far I’ve let myself fall back.

I can look at exercise again and training and just do it to feel good to improve my health and mental wellbeing. The strength I would feel coursing through my body it will be back.

I don’t use it to escape anymore that was my other vice.

I knew that It had become unhealthy but a better alternative than being medicated to manage the mood states I was locked in. I was proud of that. I see now the plaster had to come off.

I had to treat the cause of needing to exercise to escape in the first place.

Finding Yoga has changed things up enormously I can recover in ways I had no appreciation for. My mobility improves session on session. A the whole body practice is slowly and gently teaching me to give space to my mind and reconnect to my breathing.

It’s enriched my life and other ways of exercising ten fold Tom Slade and Georgie Kirwan-Ferreira thanks for the push and encouragement 😘

Solo sessions seem to be the order of the day. I very much still love a hard session that tests every muscle fibre in my body.

I’m no longer doing it to escape my mind or my histories. I’m doing it to lay down habits and muscle that will pave the way to longevity in my future. To feel amazing and value this incredible body I’ve been gifted.

Its given me an opportunity to build and unleash the other muscle in my body I was very much denying. #superbrain So as I fell backwards in one way, another part of me surged forward to take centre stage. Once I hit equilibrium between these two side of me I know I’m going to be unstoppable and pumping life changing work out into the world.

So here I am a rare picture of me for sure. Seriously happy after a solid workout. Building the foundations back up with more tyre flipping in the future to come for sure.

We All Have It In Us

Oldie but a gooden … I wrote this a year ago a friend and inspiration was awesome enough to remind me yesterday.

It’s rehashed a touch so you can see how a tiny bit of information drove me to attempt life enhancing work for me and others.

The outcomes where wonderful laughter and tear filled. Worth every single moment I spent worrying about things that would never come to pass.

A year ago today ….

I loved finding this out today.

Linda Grayham The Author of Bouncing Back : Rewiring Your Brain For Maximum Resilience And Well-Being was talking about gratitude and improving resilience.

“There’s a lot of research being done on kindness, compassion, primaraly of studying what happens in our brain and nervous system when we act with kindness and generosity and compassion.

Which really shifts that kind of paradigm of thinking that wellbeing comes from doing something that’s good for me, into wellbeing comes from doing something good for others”.

Just wow👆

Richie Davidson has done so much research at the University of Madison, Wisconsin. He’s demonstrating that mindfulness and compassion are two of the most powerful agents of brain change known to science.

🚀 actual rocket fuel ⛽️

The behavioral sciences are now discovering that when we can behave in an altruistic way, in a generosity producing way, that we get more benefit from doing that than when we’re doing something for ourselves.

From my standpoint the benefit in discovering this was huge. I knew that I wanted to work and create an environment of doing more for others.

That sometimes the work I did shouldn’t receive money but should be about enriching other people’s lives in a heartist and rehumanising way.

Connecting with the simplest of human emotional needs to flood someone’s life with light and laughter even for just 30 minutes.

This is what I picked up, it really drove me to do more for others with some of my time last year.

It turned into one of the most animated and for filling endeavours I’ve ever done. 1000s of people benefited and all I did was as make myself available to listen engage and be a friend.

All it cost me was time and in return I grew in ways I’m still coming to understand.

You don’t have to go and volunteer or do anything extraordinary…

Wellbeing is turbo charged when it becomes less about you and more about others.

You will move with a different energy and flow.

How do you do it?

Acts of kindness.


Listen deeply

Send a card for no reason to a friend

Write a letter just because

Give someone a hug

Do something for someone else

I have a friend who writes letters just because,

Now it brings me serious joy to receive one of those always.

That might not change the world but maybe I will. So feeling good because someone took the time to tell me about their adventures on a bit of paper might make all the difference to how I think or feel that day.

It doesn’t need to be extraordinary, magic happens in the ordinary.

We all have it in us xxxx

I Get Asked A Lot

I get asked how and why Breakthrough came to be, it was my breakthrough that really set it all off…

This is a clip of my journey … some of my major lows and how they moved me to highs …

In another life I worked in hospital every single day I loved the people I worked with. Amazing humans. We would graft hard for our patients… but I didn’t love the job … I tolerated it. I had been told I needed to grow up

“being an outdoor instructor isn’t a job for adults”.

“Or a wife” !!!!

Oh when I hear those words now, my stomach still turns.

I was so vulnerable… so rudderless …I let it in.

I began to think no one would want me because I didn’t have money, I didn’t have a real job and I appeared to have no prospects, I wasn’t exciting I was thinking I was simple, linear, boring.

Although deep down I knew I was boxing off the truest version of myself. The wild, unrelenting, instinctively hedonistic girl. The girl that relished the deep natural power she had in her body, a blinding confidence and a blood hound nose for seeking out adrenaline fuelled or natural moments of deep connection with the environment she so deeply loved.

I could get the best from anyone in the most unrelenting fearful experiences. Every single time.

That girl wasn’t appreciated by the people she thought loved her. So after each word, blow or look. Each moment that destabilised the foundations of myself… To create a camouflage of myself to fit in to be accepted and loved. I began shutting away parts of myself. Who I deeply was.

I had been following my heart, on the water everyday, salt on my skin and the wind in my hair. I was limited by cash and stuck at a center that was reaping the rewards of my insane skill base.

I wasn’t in the perfect environment for me and I had become frustrated. So leaving the outdoors seemed the right thing to do.

As the words bore into my mind “you need to grow up get a real job”.

Ironically I was trying to please someone who didn’t care about my interests. But the words cut deep anyway.

I was so nomadic by this point, I had been attached to multiple families and floating through life. An outdoor vagabond a little nomad.

I couldn’t seem to establish roots anywhere. And feeling like I had be cast aside like trash. Life for me at that point went that way sometimes.

And then what to a child felt like the ultimate abandonment, I was 25 and trying to absorb and come to terms with the suicide of my mum.

In a matter of months I had gone from sun kissed outdoor instructor to single, homeless and then buried in grief.

I was lucky enough to be swept up wrapped in support understanding and love by my amazing friend, mentor and sprit mum JV. She gave me the time and space to get back on my feet, food in my belly and a roof over my head.

My friends where amazing and I was never alone if I didn’t want to be.

It was during this time I would in fact meet my future husband.

Everything else seemed to pale into insignificance the breakup, losing my home all of that I could get back in another shape or form.

I handled the death the only way I knew how. I immersed myself in exercise. It was the only other way I knew to silent my mind.

“The how’s and why’s constantly drilling into my consciousness”

I detached the only way I knew.

I disappeared into a world of training. Riding my bike into the Peak District most days.

I have vivid memories of being covered in ice and knowing that even though it was crazy to be out in the January winter I needed to feel the cold air burning my lungs.

It didn’t take long. I was on my feet firmly .. “I have to take care of myself be independent.” I was doing ok …

Some how within months I found myself in the Royal Air Force as an Operating Tech.

That in its self is a unreal story… turning the tide of fortune to favour me. I’ll share it one day. Even with the experiences I would later go on to have.

It was never a good fit. I could do the job, I was good at it. I was cooped up in the NHS day after day, inside suffocating.

Away from sunlight, expansive views it was all lost to me.

I didn’t belong there.

No matter I worked hard … a grown up job, a job that mattered. And it did each day I would play my part in someones theatre adventure.

I would make friendships I know will span a lifetime.

But I didn’t love it. I didn’t belong there. I loved the humans, the teams … loved them.

Deep down I knew it. This is not how my life should feel. I craved freedom constantly.

It did feel different when I deployed. A switch would flip. My primary role save life. It was simple. It mattered.

And it was so much bigger than me.

Life and death literally hour by hour.

It was like living in another dimension where seeing gunshot wounds became as normal as having a cup of tea during a break.

The world there was different, adrenaline fueld for months on end. Everyday a Groundhog Day. The sky never changed

Just the casualties. Living my life in the Bastion triangle.

It gave me perspective that can not be taught or brought, a clear distinct outline of what it means to live. How quickly and violently life can end in a blink of an eye.

How far humans will go to save another.

The lessons from that time in my life they still flow towards me.

…….. TBC …

The journey the lessons …

There is always more x

Teens Breakthrough Too

I sit in front of you with your I don’t knows and wonder?

When did class rooms becomes places of fear, and faces like thunder.

Hiding behind bad behaviour and sneers.

Because ultimately that will cover the tears.

You can’t see how incredible you are.

The flashes of creativity the kindness it’s there. The wonderful little boy sat on a chair. You can learn believe me it all there inside you.

You’re virbrant and worthy as good as the rest, don’t let school take away your best.

Learning to live it’s a skill you see. Things they don’t teach, are the things that set you free.

You’re not a bad kid don’t believe what they say.

You could hear it another way.

Like me, I think they see all you could do.

I hope you understand you are incredible too.

Some don’t listen don’t hear what you have to say.

The anger you had, it’s gone it really it won’t stay.

You’ve all ready saved a life now that’s a serious score.

A tick on the life card. An A star star for sure.

Keep going, keep knowing your amazing, I see.

Success and living, it’s about so much more.

Make the next 12 months count you’ll be proud of yourself for sure.

Once a boy sat before me,

Now a young man I see.

Keep learning keep growing set yourself free.