It wasn’t a bollocking… it’s the HARDEST thing ANYONE has ever asked me to do.
“This is going to be uncomfortable”
I can feel the visceral response in my body to knowing what that discomfort feels now.
As I sit here
I didn’t sleep well….
Actually that’s not completely true..
I slept but I couldn’t fall asleep until way gone midnight.
This is my Miyagi moment…
My Jedi test…
“Stop just stop, no work, choose things for you”,
“No multi tasking”!
“No jumping from thought process to thought process”
“One thing at a time”…
I am literally squirming RIGHT NOW a tightness drawing across my chest, I have felt how resistant I am to this but I recognise a weakness when I see it…
This isnt a chink in my amour …
This is my fucking armour…
I thought I was done being in the arena this week..
Oh no…not at all..
The magnitude of what I have to do has barely sunk beneath my skin and the discomfort of it is seeping towards my soul..
But I got a glimmer …a tiny speck of what I can do …
The magnetic force of what is possible when I go against my ultimate limitation.
I thought it was protection…I thought I need to be this way…Its in every moment of everything I do.
Its not protection…It’s a cage..
Its time to break free.
I can do that how hard can it be…I thought with all the cockiness of the unknowing apprentice.
Ok Nicola if this is where the heart of my Jedi abilities lie, I’ll do it.
How hard can it be?